another round

So, somehow my last post got picked up by a weird website search engine thingie. I have removed the phrase that was causing it to get picked up and am reposting. The things you learn :)

Things here are going well - busier than I thought I would be at this point in my mat leave. I can't believe it is about to end, I go back to work in two weeks. TWO WEEKS! I am so not prepared to hand Henry over to the SuperDaycare, even though they are super. We are really happy with the place we are sending him, it's the same place as his older brother. We were on a waiting list for 2 years to get Will in at this place (and then deferred entrance one year so he started at 3) so are feeling really lucky that we got the sibling advantage with the Wait List this time around.

Also feeling really lucky because my work has done two amazing things recently. Like, mind-boggling amazing. I work in a pretty male dominated industry and my company is not really an exception. Other than the fact that the president is a woman, there are really only like 4 other women in the entire company. Also, it has a somewhat transitory nature so it tends not to be super family friendly either (I am the only woman in the company with children that are not adults). However, when approaching how they would handle my new status as a parent of two young children they have been amazing. First, my maternity leave. Even though my office isn't technically big enough to require them to follow Family Leave regulations they did anyway, giving me the full 12 weeks off unpaid. And then, this is the part that really blows me away, they instituted a policy that allows for the donation of leave time to a fellow employee. And oh my lord my co-workers were so generous. I don't want to put on here how much, but way above and beyond generous. People donated so much time that combined with my own sick/vacation time and some savings I was able to take off the 12 weeks without freaking out about how we could afford it the entire time. They gave me time with Henry so I didn't have to go back to work much earlier. I can't even begin to explain what a gift that is.

Also, they are letting me have a stab at a trial run flexible schedule. I have 3 months to prove to them that I can get just as much work done in a week by working from home 2 days a week as I would if I was in the office full time. I'm feeling pretty confident that I can impress them in this regard, I have worked remotely before and know how to discipline myself to keeping to a schedule. If anything, I have the tendency to work too much when I work from home because I have a hard time shutting it out. But my boss has had a bad experience with this before so we will see, wish me luck.
*******************************************************

We had the first of the new surveillance check-ups for Dan's Cancer recently. It's weird, making the move from fighting cancer to the new living with cancer thing. Because that's sort of how I look at it. We don't really consider it gone for five years. For five years we will go in for these check-ups. Holding our breath for the days before because if it comes back now we are looking at a whole different ball game. This was the first one, and I hope it gets easier. I hope we are given an opportunity to learn how to live with this new reality over the next five years. But this one, it ended up throwing all of us out of whack for a good week. I didn't sleep, Dan slept a lot. Will was on edge because Dan and I were. I know how lucky we are to be at a point were we have the opportunity to learn how to deal with remission, but I think sometimes we were unprepared at what kinds of scars the experience has left on our family. I say scars, but that week it felt much more like still raw, open wounds.

One of the things I think it has left me with is a difficulty to properly assess the urgency of a medical situation. Everything is either 0 or 100 in terms of how worried I get. I forget that there is a large range of numbers in between there. It's just, with Dan he went in for what we thought was a little infection and walked out with a cancer diagnosis. A cancer in which the success of treatment relies almost entirely on catching it early. Within hours of that first appointment for the infection it turned out he didn't have we were scheduling surgery. And at one point during chemo we went in because Dan had a little bit of a nagging cough. Once there they rushed him over to the hospital to be admitted because his blood oxygen levels were so low they were worried about him going into respiratory distress and "taking a turn for the worse". I was on "bedrest" when that happened.

You take that and add my experiences with what happened with my own health at the end of my pregnancy. I think I'm somewhat justified in having a slight phobia when it comes to potential medical concerns. But what I hope eases up with time is the feeling that I get when faced with something like Dan's monthly check-up or Will's mysterious arm rash or Henry's lingering jaundice. I don't simply worry that one of things could be potentially very serious, I flashback to that day when Dan called me and told me that this was not an infection, it was much more serious and could I please come now. And I feel it all over again. That being said, it was a good appointment and his numbers continue to look great. I like to think of it as a start down a good path. A chance for us to learn how to live with Cancer. **********************************************

On a happier note, my children could simply not be cuter I am sure of it. Will loves being an older brother and takes his new role quite seriously. I really believe he thinks of Henry as "our" baby because he takes a great deal of concern in making sure we are paying attention to Henry's needs for blankets, pacis, etc. I am terribly behind in the picture posting. I have been taking a ton, but haven't gotten them off my camera. I will do that soon.
**********************************************

And in VERY fun news, welcome to the world Baby Howie!! You have the most kissable, smooshable cheeks. I am so excited that you are here.