Confessions

Ok internet. I have been harboring a secret.

If you are related to us, you should probably stop reading this now.

Will is 18 months old and still does not sleep in his crib all night.

That's right, despite what our families may think, we still bring him in to the Pack and Play when I go to bed...every, single night. And we do this because I cannot bear the thought of having him sleep so far away from me.

He doesn't wake up in the middle of the night...hell, he doesn't even wake up when his father carefully moves him, his two blankets and doggie into our room 3 hours after he has gone to bed in his very own crib. It is all us, we are the reason he does not sleep in his crib all night.

I'm sorry, I just can't bring myself to do it. I love how he wakes me up by tapping my arm and saying "Hi!" until I open my eyes...and that moment that he sees my eyes open? His face is filled with such joy and I get this huge smile like I have just given him the best present ever. I mean seriously, this kind of shit does not last long with kids. How am I supposed to give up getting that amazing of a look from my child just for waking up?

And every morning we all spend at least 20 minutes hanging out in bed. When I pick him up he goes straight for daddy to make sure he is awake too and then we all sit and cuddle and stay in that fantastic state of half sleep together. I am convinced this would not happen if he was sleeping in the other room, because he would wake up too much before we got him into bed with us. Seriously, I have to give this up?

I know I do...I mean, while it isn't affecting...you know, things...now, I really don't want a five year old still sleeping in our room. I know this works for some people, but it's just not us. We are thinking once Dan gets back we will make the big move...because there is no way I am trying that while he is gone. It makes me sad to think about though. This time is so fleeting, it's such a small fraction of an entire life. And as excited as I am about all the things that are to come for this little man, and for our family, I am a little heartbroken to leave this stage.

I read somewhere once that instead of the question "if you could go to any place where would you go?" a more interesting question would be " If you could go to any time, where would you go?"

I think I would come back here.